Change Your Mental Group

It was Jim Rohn, entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker, who famously said that "we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with." But what exactly does this mean, and what can we do about it?

Evidence Around Us

As a general rule, Jim Rohn's quote is used in the context of business or career success. However, I believe this also applies to every aspect of our lives, ranging from relationships to body image, from our educational achievements to our fitness goals, from our parenting abilities to our spiritual aspirations, and everything in between.

Whatever goal you would like to achieve, just take a look at the people who are closest to you. If you would like a wonderful personal relationship, you will be more successful if those around you are in good relationships. If you (subconsciously) wish to be a victim, then chances are there will be victims in your immediate circles. You will increase your odds of success with your weight loss goals if your closest circle includes those who are already slim, or those who have the same goal as you.

The fact is, we frequently set our success bar according to the success of those around us. It is all too easy to make excuses based on what we think is the norm. So, in the aging process, we tend to slow down at the same rate as our peers, for isn't that the normal thing to do? Or in relationships, "doesn't everyone get tired of their partner at some time or another?" In our careers, "doesn't everyone take a sick day when they just need some time off . . . or to recover from a hangover?"

In Eldon's New York Times best-selling book, Choices and Illusions, he talks about 'bad luck cookie collectors.' These are groups of people who get together to complain about the same things and compete to see who has it worse. It doesn't matter what the subject matter is, everyone competes for the group sympathy by expressing how they have it worse. And all of this kind of thinking will hold you back from achieving, or even creating, goals that will make a real difference in your life.

Oftentimes though we cannot, or choose not to, change the people we associate with. So is there anything else that we can do to keep from limiting our success?

Change Your Mental Group

I took up running a few years ago. When I started, I had problems even running for the 1 and 2-minute intervals, but then I managed my first half marathon. The following year I was training for a full marathon and I was felt pretty good about it. I was 55 years young and more active than the vast majority of my peer group. That sounds like success, right? Simply completing a marathon was the only goal I needed to think about, especially for my first attempt . . . wasn't it? 

One day I was online, researching the different marathons and trying to decide which one(s) to register for. In the process, I found the page on the times for everyone who had participated in the Spokane marathon the prior year. Included in this information were the ages of the participants and the times they had achieved. I found a number of participants in my age group and older, for whom this was their first race—and many of them had significantly better times than the goal I had already set for myself. I immediately started to think in a different order.

The next time I went running, I no longer had the headset of being top of my group. My mental circle of friends had changed and I no longer felt as though I should hold myself back, take it slow, be super careful, etc. Now of course, this did not mean that I stopped listening to my body and being smart about what I did. It only meant that I stopped putting a cap on my success. As a result my speed increased, as did the joy I felt running. I came home and told Eldon what a great run it was and how I felt like I was flying. I also stopped choosing the easier routes that avoided the harder hills, and instead I became the woman who hunts hills! I did not change the people I associated with in the real world, but I changed my mental group.

The Personal Empowerment Group

Now, if you are reading this newsletter, you are obviously already interested in self-improvement and personal empowerment, but which sub-group are you in? Did you come to InnerTalk searching for help with one particular goal, and now find yourself sitting happy with your achievements? Have you achieved success in one area and are now toying with what other areas you care about? Or are you in the elite group who constantly looks at ways to improve their lives and fly higher and higher? Are you part of the crowd or are you your own Jonathan Livingston Seagull? How much more can you really achieve—in your personal life, with your personal relationships, in your spiritual aspirations, in your career, etc.? The fact is you can only fly as high as you dare . . . so I dare you to fly higher. Explore the line of patented and proven InnerTalk programs, change your mental group, and soar free!

Wishing you Love, Light and Laughter . . . always!

Ravinder Taylor

Recommended Title:
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